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Tuesday, August 18, 2015

The Wilderness

"Thank you for the wilderness
Where I learned to thirst for your presence...
If I'd never known that place
How could I have known You better?"

This song comes from Elevation Worship called "Great Things" (Worth it All). 

I am in the wilderness right now. Not knowing or understanding the road He has me on. I am in new territory.

He is answering a prayer I have been praying for a long time... for my Jesus, my Lord and Savior to be the center of my marriage. My husband, Bob and I have been on separate paths on our journey with our Savior, and now our paths are merging together. While this has been a prayer of my heart for a long time... Merging our walks is hard. It is painful. It is so uncomfortable and I know super uncomfortable for Bob. 

My husband is going through uncharted waters. The Lord is revealing things in Bob that he never thought was an issue, and as he has been wrestling with this storm that has come and rattled him to the core... Bob has turned to the Lord... truly seeking God like he never has before sought after something. Let me tell you satan has taken notice and the evil one has made his presence known. So as Bob is learning to lean on the Lord through these new emotions and feeling... he has also been fighting the deceiver.

"For your obedience is known to all, so that I rejoice over you, but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil. The God of peace will soon crush satan under your feet. The grace of your Lord Jesus Christ be with you." Romans 16:19-20

I started writing this blog in the middle of this life-changing event and I stopped... I stopped writing because this change I have been praying for for so long was starting to involve me more than I ever thought it would. I didn't realize the prayer I was praying for my husband ultimately included me. LOL! But I guess when you are married and you become one in flesh then of course it will involve the other half. 

All different kinds of emotions took over one day. I was mad, I was sad, I was distraught over what was going on with my marriage that I thought was good... I literally cried, sobbed out to my Father that I needed Him. I wasn't literally on my face, but I was in an uncomfortable place... A place where I had never cried out to my Father before... I was in the arms of my husband. Right then and there our Father in Heaven met me... He met me right in the middle of the unknown, the ugly tears, and the hardened heart... And He said "I am here...". This most amazing ginormous amounts of peace and comfort flooded over me and He took it! He took the anger, the sadness, and the feeling of not being able to go any farther... He took it and He lifted me.

Ever since that day the Lord has been so evident and alive in our marriage... In a way He never has before. My family is being transformed, because of the desire for His closeness and through our obedience. I have prayed for my husband for  about 8 years... And now... His faithfulness floods in like water after a dam breaks... And we are overwhelmed by His presence. Completely transformed (not perfect) because of His presence.

I feel myself drawn to Him more and more seeking the Lord in everything... knowing and believe He can accomplish anything that is in accordance to His plan. I know He can conquer anything, because I have seen a transformation and I have prayed and I have seen a prayer answered and a miracle that no human could have performed on their own.

Saturday, Bob and Hailee were both baptized. The Lord moved in Hailee's heart this summer during VBS and she decided she was going to follow Jesus no matter what and was ready to tell the whole world. Then Bob, through all the crazy changes and searching he decided it was time to recommit his life to Christ. So, Bob and Hailee took the plunge together and what a beautiful memory that will be for both of them forever! I will say satan has tried many things to keep Bob far far far away from getting closer to Jesus and he is still trying to intervene, but Bob knows and experienced the power of Jesus first hand and wants nothing more than for Jesus... nothing more than the power of our living Savior to conquer and to heal the many emotions and feelings he is struggling with. To God be the glory and the power forever and ever.

Pastor Jon just got done baptizing Bob. Bob came up with the biggest grin.
From Bob: I am so thankful that Sterling and my paths are merging. Satan really took hold of me quickly and without warning. Thankfully I didn't have to face this alone. I turned to the Word, leaned on Sterling, and sought help from my Pastor at our church. This is a whole new bright world and I am loving it!

Psalm 42
"As the deer longs for streams of water,
    so I long for you, O God.
I thirst for God, the living God.
    When can I go and stand before him?
Day and night I have only tears for food,
    while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
    “Where is this God of yours?”

My heart is breaking
    as I remember how it used to be:
I walked among the crowds of worshipers,
    leading a great procession to the house of God,
singing for joy and giving thanks
    amid the sound of a great celebration!
Why am I discouraged?
    Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
    I will praise him again—
    my Savior and my God!
Now I am deeply discouraged,
    but I will remember you—
even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
    from the land of Mount Mizar.
I hear the tumult of the raging seas
    as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.
But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
    and through each night I sing his songs,
    praying to God who gives me life.
“O God my rock,” I cry,
    “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I wander around in grief,
    oppressed by my enemies?”
Their taunts break my bones.
    They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?”
Why am I discouraged?
    Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
    I will praise him again—
    my Savior and my God!"