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Sunday, July 6, 2014

That I Might Sing Praises to You and Not Be Silent

As I prepare for this trip to India and seeking the Lord's direction on what He wants of me... He has been bringing me to memories of girls and women I have met in past trips to India and He is returning my memory to my past. I have been asking him how I would even have the ability to speak to women who have faced more than I will face in my entire life. As I have been asking this the enemy has been feeding off of these thoughts and telling me I have no right... That I cannot relate to them at all! But the Lord disagrees. He has been bringing these memories back to life to begin to break my heart for what He will reveal and begin to show me the similarities between a woman from a developed world to women from a developing world that have faced violence. I have faced violence but on a whole different level... But we have so much in common... Not just pain, but happiness, fun, laughter, dreams, memories (good and bad), love, and we have all experienced life. But most of all I want to share with them that yes pain comes, knocks us down and sometimes feels impossible to get back up... But that there is Someone who is there through it all, Someone wanting to hold you through the pain, and to breathe life back into you. I want them to know no matter what horrible decision they have had to make that there is One ALWAYS willing to forgive and that all they have to do is let Him in. I have experienced this first hand... I have experienced pain that I would never wish on my worst enemy or EVER want my children to experience. But He has shown me grace and compassion. He has spoken life into me, he has healed me of pain that was a deep festering wound to now it is a wound healed with a scar. A scar that is not full of shame or disgrace, but a scar of healing that only my Almighty healing God could do. Before I had accepted Jesus into my heart I would try many ways to fix myself, but in the end it would hurt worse and I would end up hurting the ones closest to me that loved me most on this earth. But He has shown me He is the only way to healing. 

Through this healing I have received freedom from the pain and hurt that entangled me and held me down. I was suppressed to the point I couldn't get out from under it and I couldn't help but get more and more suffocated by this bondage I held on to so tightly. Until I realized who Jesus was, what He did for me, and what He wanted to rid me off... I put my trust in Him... There was no where else I could go but to Him... My way was not working! From the moment I believed I felt Him there and the more I grew in knowledge of Him the more I learned of His promises He had made many many years ago for anyone who would believe. Even though I had been knocked down by my own way He has never knocked me down... And when I do fall He is always there to pick me up. 

"I will say to the prisoners, ‘Come out in freedom,’ and to those in darkness, ‘Come into the light.’ They will be my sheep, grazing in green pastures and on hills that were previously bare." Isaiah 49:9

I want to be a witness of who Jesus is and what He alone has done for me. I may not know many verses by memory and I may not always say the right thing, but I have a story of redemption and healing. I praise Him because He took a mess and made this mess into a blooming flower, who loves Him more than words could ever express. 

"Praise the Lord! For He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all me heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving." Psalm 28:6-7

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