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Tuesday, March 4, 2014

My Flesh and Heart's Desires Wrestling

I am struggling... with everything in me I want to live fully for the Lord! I want every part of my life to be about Him and for Him. I try... I really do... but... then I get caught up by worldly things. The biggest worldly thing I struggle with is money... wanting more... I believe no matter how much money you have you always want more. Money is a curse!

I truly don't want to live in the U.S. I love it, but hate it all at once. I know no matter where I live money is always needed, people are all the same no matter what language they speak... I know I cannot run away from the things I despise... BUT if it was up to me I would move away to a third world country. Life is not easier in a third world country, but needing God and living by faith is so much more desired. Here in the U.S. you can do with or without God (I know its not true but people do it all the time). And being around it makes it all that much more contagious.

I guess you can say I am sickened... I am sickened by the human blindness... I am sickened by greed that has overcome the people of this day... I am sickened by the selfishness and pride we all think we have right to feel and act on... I am sickened to an endless list...

My question to myself is... What can I do?

My prayer to the Lord... What can you do with me? Shake me up! Turn me upside down to be a testimony for you... Use me to reveal who you are and why we need you! I am ready for anything! Lord, Take me, Use me. I do not want to live without you... ONLY for you!

This prayer is what I want. I don't want money... I want more of Him and my Faith to overcome my worldly desires. Everything in me wants this....


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