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Monday, March 17, 2014

I Feel Separated

This sums up my struggle perfectly...

"So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin." Romans 7:14-25

It is a constant tug-a-war! My heart wants God more and more, but then my sin creeps in. Why?!?

I have my many struggles and my own sin but, I think the phrase we are all sinners is overly used... yes we are all sinners, but I am wrestling with my sin while others think... well I am a sinner might as well keep on sinning. That's when you should question if you are saved or not. I am not judging you if you do think that because I believe there will be a time and place where God will reveal how big He truly is and you will have the choice... to go right to God or left to continue on with the sin.

"Then I said, “It’s all over! I am doomed, for I am a sinful man. I have filthy lips, and I live among a people with filthy lips. Yet I have seen the King, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.”

Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal he had taken from the altar with a pair of tongs. He touched my lips with it and said, “See, this coal has touched your lips. Now your guilt is removed, and your sins are forgiven." Isaiah 6:5-7 

I feel like I need a holy coal to my brain, my eyes, my lips, and my heart. They need a cleansing that only the Lord can cleanse. Does anyone else feel like this? My brain has imagined to many thing, my eyes have seen to many things, my lips have said to many hurtful things, and my heart has been hurt to many times. But this has happened...

"Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols. And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations." Ezekiel 36:26

I do know that I have been transformed... no doubt about that. But it is so hard to remove the sin that was so familiar... that generational sin that is etched so deeply.

"Yes, even today when they read Moses’ writings, their hearts are covered with that veil, and they do not understand.
But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image." 2 Corinthians 3:15-18

We have so much covering our eyes as people of the 20th century. I have been praying for 5 years that the Lord would break my heart for what breaks his and open my eyes to the things I am blinded to. He has removed my veil and broken my heart in new ways every time He reveals something new. He is faithful... if you just ask.

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words." Romans 8:26

Something just does not feel right inside me. I cannot explain it with words... I try and try, but it never expresses it or explains the uneasiness I have. But I am resting in this...

"And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:27-28

I know this blog post is all over the place... because truthfully I feel like I am all over the place.

The title of this post is "I feel Separated". I am not separated from God, but I feel separated from so much going on in my life. A tug-a-war on my heart and what I should do as I am being pulled in 2 separate directions. The two different directions are not one way good and the other bad... it is simply where does God want me? I am being torn between these two ways. A lot of prayer is needed as I seek where He wants me.


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