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Monday, January 3, 2011

Frazzled.

I am a tad frazzled. Most of the frazzled feeling is from change. I was just informed that Brian Haynes (pastor that just left Kingsland to pastor another church) canceled the trip to Israel I was planning on going on. You maybe thinking... whats next?? Well, there are other trips. There is another Israel trip leaving March 23 with a man a met about a month ago... he taught Brian Haynes and got him on board with being a guide for these trips. He is a great man. Then there is another trip leaving March 29 traveling to Egypt, Jordan, and Israel. This trip maybe a little harder for me to go on because it costs more and a few other flight issues. It is looking like I will be going on the trip with Marty to Israel (plus, it is a little cheaper).

Back to why I feel frazzled. I have a really hard time with change. Yes, I will still be going to Israel but everything else has changed. I will be flying out of Houston to Chicago where I will meet up with the rest of the group flying to Israel. Then I will be traveling with a new guide/rabbi. I will be traveling with a group that I don't know to a country I really don't know... with different dates. I guess I just felt comfortable going to Israel because Brian Haynes was leading it. But, I will have to tell you... I feel like this is all God's plan. That He has been working this all out from the beginning. I have confidence in that... but the change brings in fear.

I have been having a little bit of fear lately. Fear of travel... completely around the world by myself. Yes, I will be with a group and I feel safe with that, but Bob won't be with me. I won't be where I feel secure. I know this fear is not from God and I know this trip is His plan. I feel like this trip is a promise He has made to me. A promise that I will grow closer to Him in a way I never thought I would.

Last year in April or May I wrote I felt God doing some radical things inside of me and one of those things was this Israel trip. I felt the tingle inside but, always thought it was untouchable, but now I see God's hand in it all. I have lost 30 lbs. and more to lose by the trip, but I know it wasn't all me... it was God giving me the push. And I believe meeting Marty (the new guide) and having dinner with him was a coincident... it was all God!

I am sorry if this sounds like a lot of complaining, but this is one of my biggest struggles... change. I get a bit angry and shaky when change arises, but I will have to say I feel better now after remember God's promise to me and His faithfulness.

"Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart,
All you who hope in the Lord."
Psalm 31:24

2 comments:

skier918 said...

Sorry to hear that everything isn't as you hoped (as far as the original plan)... Marty is awesome, though- he came and spoke during our ABF a few months ago (at Heather & Nathan's request). I agree with you- God still wants you to go on this trip, and you doing your part by making the steps necessary. Love ya!

Heather said...

Why did he cancel it?! Last I read on his blog he was still planning on leading it. No matter what happens, I know it will still be a WONDERFUL, life changing trip! Brandon said Marty is great and that he mentored Brian. Keep us posted!