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Monday, September 13, 2010

It's just life...

I have been thinking lately about life... about how things can be so hard and then sometimes so simple. I think about the hard times and wonder why... we get so wrapped up in ourselves. We get lost in how we wish things were or should be. If you are a believer... you wonder why would a God who loves me so much put me through all this crap? Why can't he give me a break? It turns to me... me... me. But, if you do turn to Him and search for Him... He will lead you and show you on His time. His time is not like our time... His time is so much more perfect than our time. His time may not be what we think it should be but, when it unfolds (and who knows how long that will be) you will be at awe. At awe of this perfect timing... the timing of the Lord God almighty.

I think about the good times too. It isn't what I consider good because during the good times is when I lose what is good. I lose that intimate time with the One who loves me more than anytihng. I lose the closeness and the craving for Him. I want Him near me and through this time is when I don't feel Him. I pray to Him and pray for others going through their bad times but, I don't have that closeness. Why does this happen? I know it is me... I know where I should be. I should be on my knees worshiping Him for this time of good and quiet. I want to be there... so why am I not doing it?

And here through this good time it again turns to me... me... me. Oh I can pray and worship Him later or I will do it in a minute and then forget. Why is it not has important to me as it is through the bad? I search and search for Him through the bad times but, when all is good I don't need Him? That is not right! He doesn't deserve that. He gave His only Son for me.... a wretched sinner! YUCK!

I see others going through their bad times and I want that. I want that craving for Him because I know how it feels. Oh it feels so good. I would rather go through the bad times than have this emptiness good times. I need Him and I am going to go find Him.

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