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Thursday, February 25, 2010

MD Anderson Trip

Well today I headed to MD Anderson for my first check up appointment since my surgery in August. I will have to be honest I was pretty nervous about this appointment. I don't know if it was the thought of getting around MD Anderson and if I remembered everything and where everything was. MD Anderson is a huge place... it is overwhelming... I was scheduled to get chest x-rays at Diagnostic A and I had never been there before, so I had to follow the signs and the turns. It was so confussing and I am sure I looked like a total dumb-dumb going down hallways I wasn't supposed to go down and starring at the signs making sure I went the right way (and yes I was talking to myself). After the maze I found Diagnostic A :o). One thing about MD Anderson is after being lost and confussed I was greeted with kindness and smiles :o). I got my wrist band and headed to the waiting area, but before I could sit my big booty down I was called back :o). I went to my little hole with a curtain and was told to strip waist up :o). I always do as I am told :o). I think I am a good patient :o). I sat in my hole for a bit before I was called back... I was full of nerves, anxiety, and fear. I prayed to God... I had tears in my eyes and I prayed more. This was God's plan for me... His first plan... I was on board to do His plan, but a bit scared. I was scared of God's plan and how it might be painful. I told Him I was going to trust Him and His plan. He is my Redeemer and my Provider! He loves me and I kept thinking this and praying to Him! Then I was called back and was told to stand in front of the x-ray machine thing and they took 2 pictures of my insides :o) and then I was done! I felt so much better :o).

I made sure I was done and then headed out of the maze and down to the first floor to head to my appointment at the Melanoma and Skin Center. I checked in an hour early and thought I would be sitting in the waiting room for a while, but I was only out there for like 15 minutes. I was shocked by how quickly everything was going... MD Anderson was on their toes today (so I thought)! I get back to my room and was told to get naked again (nice huh?)... I always do what I am told :o). The nurse comes back and asks me her normal questions and then she says "They will be back shortly." Okay I am thinking. I sat there FOR FOREVER! I mean FOREVER! You know what I did... I sat there. I didn't read, I didn't text, I didn't do anything but sit there. I kept thinking they would be in any minute. I was back there for a long time with just my thoughts, but it was okay. They weren't scared thoughts or anything like that... I was at peace. A lot of my thoughts went to how cold it was in this little room and all I was in was this drafty gown (I ended up tying my gown in the back because it was so chilly) and there was nothing on the walls for me to read or look at (you know like at your doctor's office you ave pictures of body parts, female parts, insides of ears, etc.).

Finally the PA comes back (this time it was a dude) and he starts talking to me and then starts checking my body. It is so weird to have someone you have never met to look down the back of your underwear (I only had my underwear on :o), to look at your boobs, to look at your stomach, and to look under the front of you underwear (just a bit)... it is just odd because that is private between me and my husband (and my OBGYN and Dr. Ross). Whatever right... I am sure he has seen plenty of private areas... nothing probably shocks him :o). He checks everything and then he says Dr. Ross would be in soon. I told him "I wouldn't be going anywhere." He laughed.

Then there he was... the man of the hour... Dr. Merrick Ross (I love this guy!). Not much to him... he listens if I have something to say, but he is pretty to the point (that is what I like ;o). He told me the chest x-rays looked good and I asked him what the x-rays were for and he said to make sure the cancer didn't spread and if it did spread from the lymph nodes it would go to my liver. He checked my body and he doesn't mess with the gown he just takes it off and lets the girls hang out... LOL! I guess the gown just gets in the way. Thats my kind of man... LOL! I am just kidding... He looked at the areas I was concerned and he thought they looked fine. We talked about my scar from my surgery and he was saying how that was such a hard area because there isn't much there and how it was hard to stitch it together in that area. I am just so thankful that his plan us to pull it together and stitch up instead of a skin graph (yuck! those are the worse!). I told him it was still stiff and he said that is to be expected. We were done in like 8 minutes and he was out. I got dressed and headed out to the last part of the maze.

It was another good day and I continue to be CANCER-FREE! I go back in another 6 months to have another check up. I am thankful for so many things... I am so blessed and overwhelmed by all you who have prayed for me. Thank you!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Pondering on a few things

I love to ponder on things :o)... what woman doesn't right? I like to ponder on the bible and how I fit in... for example how many things I do that God grieves on and the things I do to try to bring Him glory. I really ponder on the things that bring Him glory and things that bring Him praise. I love that feeling I get when I go outside my "bubble" and do God's work here on this earth. You know things that he calls us to do... and when I actually do it I think "Man... that was awesome! I am going to do that more often." Then when an opportunity comes up again to step out of my "bubble" and I actually think about that feeling I had and what the Lord is calling me to do... and then... I don't do it! Guess what I ponder on then... you are right... I think what a let down I am and WHY THE HECK DID I NOT TAKE THAT AMAZING OPPORTUNITY!" I don't know...

I also have been pondering on the storms that God puts in our path. It amazes me when I think back about someone else's storms or my own and think about like 10 years ago how these storms where not even a thought in our mind. I think about how carefree we were 10 years ago and never EVER thought anything like cancer or death would even be in our cards. I remember back in high school when I would be out in the sun all day and not wear one little ounce of sun screen and get so sun burned. It just never crossed my mind. Then I would go to school after a sunny fun weekend and people (teachers) would tell me "Sterling, you should wear sun screen you are going to get skin cancer." I would just shrug it off and would think something like that would NEVER happen to me. Well... look... I got skin cancer and one of the worst. But you know what... going through this storm has been one of the best and most wonderful things ever happen to me. I have this new look on life... I have this new look on God... I have this new look on the word of God... I have this new look on relationships I have with family and friends... I hate to say this, but I look forward to more storms. I may not like what is thrown my way, but I know I will grow closer to God through it and lean on Him like He wants.

These are just a few things I have been pondering on...

Tomorrow I go to MD Anderson for my first check up since my surgery in August 2009. I will post more after tomorrow :o).

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Happy *belated* Valentine's Day!

I meant to get these made and send them out, but it didn't happen...


This is an old picture but it is so cute (and they are both smiling and being nice to eachother)!

Monday, February 15, 2010

A few things...

I know I have used this title before, but sometimes it is just a few things :o)...

Here is my first thing... I was totally taken over today before I started reading the Bible during my quiet time. I had a total uncontroled feeling come over me (like my feelings I can control :o)... I was reading the "Just Change" pamplet KBC passed out this last Sunday. This is a GO BEYOND MISSIONS MINISTRY that Kingsland has made for us KBC families seeking to lead the next generation biblically and as we lead our families through the Legacy Milestones... to reach out and think of other children and other homes. I was totally taken away by what other children have to go through and how they totally lose their innocents and the fun of being little. I felt and feel so blessed to be in this free country... where our kids can say what they want and spread the news of our loving Father and they can be little kids and jump and play and just be kids. So, with these pamplets the church passed out they gave us an easy way to have a faith talks and a red house that the kids (and parents) will put change in and fill up every month. To give just our change we can take care of the safe house where girls are taken after being in slavery.

Here is my second thought... all the people that are sick or have some kind of medical issues that were on the prayer list that our church has. I picked one up last Wednesday and I finally sat down and read it and I was so overwhelmed by all the prayer needs people need and this wasn't even the people I know that need prayer. Woooo... let me breathe... So much cancer... so much surgeries... so much infections and illnesses... Lord, PLEASE heal us!

Here is my third thought... if y'all could pray for me. I hate having to ask this and adding it the list of sick people... when I am not sick... but I too (is that the right to?) need prayer. February 25 is my 1st appointment since my surgery in August. I will be having chest x-rays first and then head to see Dr. Ross to check me out. I have a few moles I want him to look at because I believe they have changed. If you could squeeze me in your prayers and pray for peace for me as I am begining to feel anxious about the whole thing and pray from my x-rays and check up to go well and pray that I will have no more cancer return. I know the Lord has plan for me no matter if I like His plan or not, but I will trust Him and lean on Him through whatever storm comes my way.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

We are trying...

Look at this... another post... I am doing good huh? :o)

So, I thought I would post about Hailee's night time peeing issue. Here is my story...

Hailee was potty trained at 2 and yes she was ready. She told me she didn't want to wear diapers anymore and she potty trained very easily. Well... the girl has been wearing pull ups to bed ever since. There has been talk of sleep-overs and the thought of sleep-overs scare me because I don't want her to be made fun of. It would just break my heart to see her get hurt because of mean little words that can come out of little mouths.

Now Bob and I are taking turns to wake Hailee up at 11:30 p.m. to go to the bathroom (I guess you could say we are tired of buying expensive little pull ups). 11:30 seems to be the magic number! 12:00 a.m. is to late... she will already wet the pull up by then... crazy huh?

So, now I am staying up until 11:30 to get her up and take her to the bathroom. There is no point in me going to bed at 10:30 and laying there for a bit and only getting like 45 minutes to sleep until I have to get up. That just sounds crazy to me :o).

She just sleeps that hard and I think Bob and I have come to realize that this is something she has no control of. Uhhhh.... the joys of raising babies :o).

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Stepping Out

I have the hardest time making a title for my posts. I don't know why, but I can never narrow down a title that will describe my post and give it honor... LOL! Nevermind... this is just babble...

This evening the girls and I were on our way to church... our normal Wednesday night events consist of dinner and then WAM (worshiping arts ministry). We were at the intersection of Westgreen and I-10 and about 3 cars were in front of us and I look over and see a homeless man. (let me catch you up... our church a few weekends ago gave our Sunday school class $5 gift cards to Mcdonalds and Subway to give out to a homeless person. we choose a Mcdonald gift card). I hadn't seen any homeless people at all until then. I was debating giving it to him or not because I was 2 lanes away from him and I don't know if he would have time to run over and get the card before the light turned green. And I was just second guessing if I wanted to give it to him at all, but I did it anyway. I rolled down my window (even second guessing as I was rolling down my window)... we made eye contact and I gave him a little wave to come over. He was some what surprised... he ran over. I told him it was a gift card and I asked him his name and he told me David. I then told David I would be praying for him and he said God Bless and he ran off.

As I drove off I was thinking about all the other things I could have said to him and then I started to cry. There was a song on the radio (from KSBJ and I can't even remember the song) and just thinking about how that little $5 gift card my be handy (you can get a lot of food from mcdonalds for $5). Then I prayed for David and prayed to Lord that maybe that gift card made his day and maybe he would find Jesus if didn't know Him. It was such a crazy feeling I could never describe it. But, it was cool! It made me feel good, i am sure it made David feel good, and I hope it glorified my father.

I love going out of my comfort zone! I don't enjoy the analyzing part of it (like what am I going to say or do), but I love the in the moment feeling of this is for God and I hope it makes that person I am helping feel good and just to make someone elses day.

I Love my Father and I hope and pray I bring Him glory more and more each day!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Night

***I did not proof read this... Just a warning for you English teachers out there***

As I am sitting here and everyone is in bed I am thinking about how much I love nights. I love how the kids have a bed time and I won't have to mess with them for another 12 hours or so. I love how this time is MINE! Then Bob as some what of a bedtime and tries to head to bed between 9-9:30. Then this time is ALL mine! I can watch what I want on TV. I can fiddle around on the computer as long as I want and don't have to worry about a thing. I absolutely LOVE night time! Naptime is nothing like night time... because you know the kids are going to wake up and yo uare going to have to deal with all their drama, change or wipe butts, feed and hydrate them, and the list goes on... But, 12 hours... oh you can't bet that!

I do love how everyone is sleeping and everyone can sleep off what went on during the day (good or bad). Then everyone wakes up to a new and better day. Oh... how I love Night Time :o)!

As I was writing this post I was thinking about my own drama I had to deal with this morning and thought maybe I should tell the story...

Okay... Around 9:00 this morning the girls and I were heading to the grocery store. Heidi was having some drama over her softy, so she was still inside crying. Hailee and I were heading out to the car... Hailee ran and got in the van and I was putting my shoes one really quick to go put the bags in the car and then come back in and get Heidi. I got out of the garage and I see 2 dogs running towards me. Yes, I knew these dogs... they live 2 houses down from us and they are MEAN Australian Shepards. Bob has experienced their meanness (sp?) before, but never had... I have never ever experienced a mean dog like this. These 2 dogs run at me like they are about to attack me. Teeth showing, barking, and growling all at me. I swing the 2 bags I had with me at them and it wasn't working so well. Then I kind of go at them with my bags to scare them off. I didn't really work, but some how they backed off enough for me to get to the garage and grab a fold up chair and go at them with it. This is when I so wanted a hand gun... I would of shot those dogs without even thinking twice. I love dogs, but I am so scared they will hurt my children. I will protect them anyway I have to. Hailee was in the car safe, but I knew I had to so something. I charged at them with the fold up chair and screaming and yelling at them (the fold up chair worked great because there was enough space between me and the dog to keep them away from me). I ended up scaring them a little off and in the process our neighbor across the street came out and was calling the cops. Meanwhile our neighbor next to us was banging on his window at the dogs, because they were in his yard barking. Then he comes out in his garage and trys to scare them off with some kind of mat... well that didn't work so he got his chain saw and turned that sucker on. The dogs were preoccupied with him that they were leaving me alone. Heidi was still inside crying, but I didn't want to bring her out until I knew the dogs weren't going to come back. Then I guess the dogs got bored with my neighbor and they ran after my neighbor across the street... and here comes the police with their sirence (sp?) blarring... and he comes and swoops in and sees these dogs in mid-attack mode. Then they run after the cop and then the cop herds them home. He starts to get out of his car and decides he should get his tazzer (sp?) out. And the the animal control guys swoop in... and can I just tell you I was quite suprised how brave these guys were... they pop out of their truck walk through the barking crowd of dogs with their mase spray in hand and take care of the issue. Guess how the dogs got out... the front door was open... yea... the front door. Don't think this is the first time the dogs have been out... my neighbor across the street told me this is at least the thrid time they have called the police about these dogs. Anyways, they got the dogs in the house and wrote them a citation (about $200 per dog and there were 3 dogs- the 3rd dog let the other ones do all th bidding). So, that is my story and yes I am scared... I am going to be more cautious and check before my little ones run out of the garage.

Anyways... this is my story and drama of the day...

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Ridiculous!

So I have been reading Exodus for a couple of days and reading how Moses was to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt. And as I am reading I am baffled by the the lack of trust and faith they have in the Lord. I sit here reading all the things the Lord does to the Pharaoh of Egypt and all the Egyptians and all the Lord's wonders and they still question Him.

As I read chapter 14 of Exodus... the children of Israel are freaking out because they see the Egyptians coming after them and they are thinking Moses/the Lord brought them out in the wilderness to die. They absolutely had no faith. I was totally taken away by this... they get to see these miracles first hand and still question God and His abilities.

Then I get to thinking... WE ARE THE EXACT SAME WAY! We question God no matter what kind of miracles He puts in front of us. It still is going on to this day. God speaks to us and shows us miracles all the time and we don't even see it. We think... Oh, it was just luck and really it was totally all God. Things don't just accidently happen or things don't just accidently get put onto our path. IT IS GOD!

We are the same way... when something horrible happens to us or our family or friends... we turn to God immedately! No questions... we know Who to turn to and Who to lean on.... but when things get a little tough and don't go the way we want it to... we question God!

Why do we do this? We know who God is and how powerful, merciful, and forgiving He is. Why don't we want to get closer and learn more about Him? Why do we want to be so unloving and ugly? I know... I know... we are only human. That is such a cop (sp?) out answer... yes I know we are going to sin and we can not be perfect like Jesus, but WE CAN TRY! Instead of being "good" when we want to.

I want to learn more about my Father and I want to be pleasing in His eyes. I want to be holy and glorify His name. I wish I could change all my nastiness all at once and walk totally in the light. My Father knows my heart... and knows how I desperately want to know Him and see His face. I am going continue my walk and grow. I may sound crazy to some people with my "crazy" Jesus talk... but I am going let the Holy Spirit lead me. I am not going to hold back anymore! I am going to glorify my Father!

"I will sing to the Lord,
For He has triumphed gloriously!
The Lord is my strength and my song,
And He has become my salvation;
He is my God, and I will praise Him."
Exodus 15:1-2

Monday, February 1, 2010

Psalm 27

The LORD is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strenght of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked came against me
To eat up my flesh,
They stumbled and fell.
Though an army may encamp against me,
My heart shall not fear;
Though war may rise against me,
In this I will be confident.

One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life.
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple,
For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secrect place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.

And now my head shall be lifted up above
my enemies all around me;
Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His
tabernacle;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the
LORD.

Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice!
Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
When you said "Seek My face,"
My heart said to You, "Your face, LORD, I will
seek."
Do not hide Your face from me;
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not leave me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation.
When my father and my mother
forsake me,
Then the LORD will take care of me.

Teach me Your way, O LORD,
And lead me in a smooth path, because of
my enemies.
Do not deliver me to the will of my
adversaries;
For false witness have risen against me,
And such as breathe out violence.
I would have lost heart, unless I had
believed
That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.

Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strenghten your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!