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Monday, July 13, 2009


"In the Lord I put my trust." Psalm 11:1

This is something I am really learning as I am going through everything. I am learning I can not do everything on my own. I have to depend on God to lead me through life.... no matter what I am going through. My God will provide. I have to trust in Him!

"The words of the Lord are pure words,
Like silver tried in a furnace of earth,
Purified seven times." Psalm 12:6

Can you even imagine what God goes through? All the words and love He gives us and most of the time we don't even hear them and sometimes don't even care to hear them or feel them. Can you imagine how hurt He gets? All the energy and love he pours over us and He doesn't get (sometimes) any in return.

After I went to Matt's funeral and then got the news about the skin cancer all in the same day it has really opened my eyes to what is important. God is number 1. He is always there... no matter what you have done or said to disappoint Him... he is still there loving me more than I can ever imagine. Family is number 2. How I react or speak to my family. I am way more sensitive to that... God is opening my eyes and giving me a softer heart to react to things.

I am seeing people more and how they truly are. The Lord is opening my eyes. Some people you thought were going to be there through a hard time... aren't. That makes me so sad, but then there are those people you never thought would be there for you... are. God is totally shaping my heart on how He wants it to be. He is leading me closer to people that I never thought I would be lead to and he is also leading me away from people. He is not leading me away from these people not to like them or be-friend them (that would not be God), but just teaching me who I should trust. Does that make sense?

I am learning to love others even though they don't meet my expectations. Just to let you in on something (if you didn't already know)... I expect so much out of my friends and family. I give 110% and I expect the exact 110% back. I am really trying to change and reconcile... but if I am not getting the 110% back I would just be so let down and hurt... that I wouldn't really want anything to do with you. I know this is not God and He does not want me to be like this. I am learning I need to love everyone how God loves them... unconditionally. I am learning what that means too.

As you can tell I am learning a lot about myself and where God is wanting me to go and do.

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