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Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Diagnosis

Hello All! I know most of you know this, but some of you do not... so here goes...

Last week I went to the dermatologist to get some moles checked out. There were a few I was concerned about.... a few on my back and one down on the front of my right ankle. After a full body exam she wanted to remove the one down on my ankle. She told me she didn't think it was anything to be concerned about, but she wanted to remove it and have it biopsyed. I was like whatever. So she removed it and had it sent in.

Yesterday, I was on my way home from Matt's funeral and I had a message from the doctor about my biopsy. So, I called and they put me directly through (which I thought was pretty cool). Anyways, she told me she got the labs back and it came back malignant melanoma. I didn't have a clue what she was saying until she started talking about sending me to a Skin Cancer center (more in this in a minute). She told me the good news is that the biopsy came back saying it was not deep BUT the biopsy came back saying something like there is a possibility that it has spread (or something like that). She said usually she just sends people to a Skin Cancer place in Katy to just get it removed (cut out) but since the biospy came out a little "unusual" she wants me to go to MD Andreson. She said she wold rather me be safe than sorry (or something like that). Sorry I am a little unclear... I was really shocked by all this news. Totally not expected.

So now I get to play the waiting game. I am waiting to hear when my appointment at MD Anderson will be. I am thinking soon since this is pretty important to get taken care of ASAP! With the waiting in play... all these thought are coming into me head and why I don't know. ia m not dying... I will not die... but I can't help it as I have 2 beautiful girls and a husband who loves me so much (and who is a bit freaked out at the moment).

I know this sounds crazy but I am not scared of dying. I am not scared of going to heaven and leaving my family. I am scared of pain, procedures, what is really going on, missing out on beautiful moments my baby girls make, missing out on being their mommy when they really need me, not being there for my husband when he needs me, and not being my healthy normal self. These are a few things I am thinking about that make me sad. I know I know... but I can't help it. When I get like this I pray (beg) God to take this away. I don't need all this in my head.

I slept horrible last night and I am so tired. If you would like to pray. Please pray for peace and comfort for Bob and I as we await a call. Pray for my emotions and that I can give this all to Him. Pray that I will be able to sleep and not think about all the bad stuff that may or may not even happen. Thank you all!

5 comments:

Julie P. said...

I will be praying for you Sterling! God is sovereign!

Mosher Family said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mosher Family said...

Philippians 4:6-7

We are praying for you and your family.

Mindy said...

Praying for you both. We love you!

Misty said...

Of course we're praying. Gos is in control and we will be here waiting for your recovery :). Please don't hesitate to call when/if you need anything!! Babysitter, someone to talk to. I love you girl!