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Monday, July 27, 2009

Speaking through His word

I was having my quiet time today and I just opened my Bible and it opened to Romans 9. So, I backed up a little and started reading Romans 8. Here are a few things that popped out at me...

"For the law of the Spirit of life in Chirst Jesus has made me free from the law of sin." Romans 8:2

"For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba Father."" Romans 8:15

"For I consider that the sufferings of the present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Romans 8:18

"...For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered." Romans 8:26

"And we know that all things work together for the good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Here are some verses that are some of my favorite in this whole book. It is straight to the point, it is about real everyday life, the struggles we go through day-to-day, and where and who we should turn to no matter how bad it it. I LOVE THIS!

"Who shall seperate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written:
"For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter."
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death or life, nor angels, nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:35-39
AMEN.




Friday, July 24, 2009

God was busy!

Do you ever wonder how God even came up with every little thing that has to do with the human body?

I was watching So You Think You Can Dance last night and I was so mezmorized by all the different ways these people could move their body. How high they all jumped. How there bodies moved so beautifully. I watch this show all the time, but for some reason last night I was brought to tears on how these people use their bodies to show and make all these beautiful things.

Could you imagine if all the people (dancers) in the world used there bodies like these people on So You Think You Can Dance do and used it just for God... how much God would be glorified? I think the Lord would just beam. That His children are following and worshiping Him with everything He gave them. All that energy, every muscle, and every thought would be on glorifying the Most High!

I know so very random, but I just felt like I had to write about this. LOL!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

It was a God Day!

I don't think God could have been any closer to Bob and I today. At first I was kind of nervous about the day because we left late (thanks to the Taco Lady). We got on I-10 (which is ALWAYS horrible) and no traffic! Yes, we took the HOV but even the regular lanes had no traffic. God is good! MD Anderson was so easy to get to (thank you Jen T.) and then we did the free vallet (thank you MD Anderson). God was protecting us.

We headed into MD Anderson and Bob went to the bathroom and I checked out some jewelry that this man was selling down in the lobby. Some of that jewelry was so cute and CHEAP! I really thought about buying something, but then I thought... I will be back :o). You want to know something sad? All the sick kids that were down there. Kids with no hair and in wheel chairs... it broke my heart and I was thinking about Hailee and Heidi and how blessed I am to have 2 healthy little girls. Thank you Jesus!

We headed to the 9th floor where the Melanoma Clinic was and we checked in and just sat and waited for someone to call my name :o). We got called to go take care of paper work, then it was time to pay our deductable (that hurt Bob), then we waited a little while longer, and next thing we know we were on our way to the exam room :o).

The first doctor I saw was Dr. Rebecca Longoria... she was super cute, nice, and very communitive (is that a word?). Okay... so she talked to me like a person :o). She looked at all my 2000 parts (not really maybe 1999 parts :o) and we talked about what they wanted to do and all that would happen... blugh blugh blugh. She was really nice. We talked about a few moles I have noticed in the past few weeks and she did end up circle one for Dr. Ross to look at. Then she talked to me about the melanoma and what Dr. Ross wanted to do. Then she left and was going to go present everything to Dr. Ross and then he was going to make his entrance.

I will have to say the whole time I felt good. Not nervous or fidgety. I felt good. I felt calm. I felt like I was in good hands. It took Dr. Ross along time to get his booty in the room and Jen ended up having to leave because she had a baby doctor appointment over at St. Lukes. But we are so thankful she came because I didn't get anything Rebecca told us and Jen ended up telling me what she said. Thanks Jen. You are such a blessing in my life!

So Dr. Ross finally came in and let me tell you he is so NICE! He examed me (yes it was all about me and my body day). He was wonderful. He talked to me all about what he wanted to do to remove the cancer and some other things that were going to be checked and to make sure the cancer didn't spread (I will explain all this in a minute). He stood right in front of me and stayed in "my space" and just talk to me like a friend. Now that I am typing this and going into detail it brings me to tears. God picked this doctor for me. God knew what I needed and he graciously gave me a great doctor. It is so amazing! Anywho.. He did look at the mole that Rebecca circled and he decided to remove it since it didn't look like any of my other moles/freckles. So, now they are going to be biopsy that mole and see if it is cancerous and if it is they will be able to tell how deep it is because thhey took some tissue with it.

Here is Dr. Ross' plan: I am scheduled for surgery August 7. I donot know what time yet but it will be an all day thing. He is going to remove all the cancer out of my ankle (where the melanoma is). Then he is going to put some dye into my leg and have it travel to my lymph nodes (there are lymph nodes behind your knee and in your gronde (sp?) area) and then he is going to remove 2 or 3 lymph nodes (probably from the gronde) and then get those tested to see if the melanoma has spread there. If the mole that they removed comes back cancerous they will take care of that the same day. I will be blogging more about this as I found out.

Thank you all so much for your prayers, comments, and thoughts. I love you all!

Give unto the Lord, O you mighty ones,
Give unto the Lord glory and strength,
Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name;
Worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness.
Psalm 29:1-2

Monday, July 20, 2009

Tomorrow is "D" day

Tomorrow is the big day. I go and meet my Skin Cancer doctor (Dr. Ross) tomorrow. I am kind of excited! It is the beginning of knowing what is going on. I have my foot in the door and I can't wait to get myself in a little more. As I am typing this it sounds like I am going to a PARTY! No I am not... but I am getting one step closer to finding out more and this is what I need.

God is walking with me every step of the way. He has been there through my bad times, good times (like now), and financial times. I believe He is already being glorified through little things that have already happened. PRAISE YOU LORD JESUS!

I have decided after tomorrow's appointment that this is how I am going to be updating people. I am already getting overwhelmed by all the people I am going to have to be calling after my appointment tomorrow. This is how I am going to be updating people after tomorrow. So, if you don't have my blog address saved... I think you should do it now :o). I don't think I am being mean or anything but this will be easier for us all. Plus while you are here you can see all the other stuff going on in our lives. You might actually learn more about me than you ever thought you would (maybe more than you might want to know ;o).

I love you all and I thank you for all your wonderful comments and prayers you have sent to me. I appreciate it so VERY MUCH and I could never ever in a million years express or explain how wonderful it is. You all are my Might Prayer Warriors and you yourself are glorifying God :o).

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I needed this today...

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me. (isn't that the coolest)
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

Where can I go from Your spirit?
Or where can I flee for Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.

If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me,"
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, (isn't that comforting)
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

For you formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made,
Marvelous are your works,
And that my soul knows very well.

My frame has not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. (how cool is that?)
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

How precious also are Your thoughts of me, O God!
How great is the sun of them! (can you even imagine?)
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake I will still be with You. (This is what I need to hear)

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties; (Yes Lord!)
And see if there is any wicked way in me, (REMOVE IT!)
And lead me in the way of everlasting. Psalm 139

AMEN.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Psalms

"In the Lord I put my trust." Psalm 11:1

This is something I am really learning as I am going through everything. I am learning I can not do everything on my own. I have to depend on God to lead me through life.... no matter what I am going through. My God will provide. I have to trust in Him!

"The words of the Lord are pure words,
Like silver tried in a furnace of earth,
Purified seven times." Psalm 12:6

Can you even imagine what God goes through? All the words and love He gives us and most of the time we don't even hear them and sometimes don't even care to hear them or feel them. Can you imagine how hurt He gets? All the energy and love he pours over us and He doesn't get (sometimes) any in return.

After I went to Matt's funeral and then got the news about the skin cancer all in the same day it has really opened my eyes to what is important. God is number 1. He is always there... no matter what you have done or said to disappoint Him... he is still there loving me more than I can ever imagine. Family is number 2. How I react or speak to my family. I am way more sensitive to that... God is opening my eyes and giving me a softer heart to react to things.

I am seeing people more and how they truly are. The Lord is opening my eyes. Some people you thought were going to be there through a hard time... aren't. That makes me so sad, but then there are those people you never thought would be there for you... are. God is totally shaping my heart on how He wants it to be. He is leading me closer to people that I never thought I would be lead to and he is also leading me away from people. He is not leading me away from these people not to like them or be-friend them (that would not be God), but just teaching me who I should trust. Does that make sense?

I am learning to love others even though they don't meet my expectations. Just to let you in on something (if you didn't already know)... I expect so much out of my friends and family. I give 110% and I expect the exact 110% back. I am really trying to change and reconcile... but if I am not getting the 110% back I would just be so let down and hurt... that I wouldn't really want anything to do with you. I know this is not God and He does not want me to be like this. I am learning I need to love everyone how God loves them... unconditionally. I am learning what that means too.

As you can tell I am learning a lot about myself and where God is wanting me to go and do.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Quick little Update

I wanted to let everyone know I am doing a lot better. I am continuing to let a little more go at a time and giving it to God. Occasionally I start thinking about everything and I forget to breath and then I remember every thing is going to be okay no matter what the outcome is, because my wonderful Father is right by me. Sometimes I can actually feel Him breathing. Thanks for all your prayers. I really appreciate them all.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

NEW pictures of my girls

Here are some pictures we got done while my mom was here (that is the other women in the pictures). I had to put this first one up at the top for Clint (Mere make sure you show Clint). LOL! I thought this was a nice cheery post. Enjoy!























To my wonderful merciful God

I know why this has happened. My God once to use me to bring glory to Him. He is with me right now as I go through this waiting game. He is providing for Bob and I. He has dropped $5000 down at our feet. He knew we were going through this whole insurance delima (sp?) and he knew we didn't have $5000. He just brought someone forward to us this morning and offered it to us. Our needs have been met. Praise God!

This morning when I found out about the $5000 I wept. My God is here and he will never leave me or forsake me. He will bring me strength and He will be glorified through this.

I praised Him this morning and I thanked Him for loving me so much. I told my Father I am offering myself to glorify Him. I know He will be with me through whatever. No matter if this is short lived or if this is a long process I am trusting my Father and that He will be glorified through this all.

Thank you all for all your wonderful gracious prayers. It touches my heart so deeply that I hear people I don't even know praying for me. My God is so Great!

I will praise You, O Lord, with my whole heart;
I will tell of your marvelous works.
I will be glad and rejoice in You;
I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High.
Psalm 9: 1-2

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Appointment

I just wanted to let everyone know I have an appointment with a doctor (Dr. Merrick Ross) at MD Anderson Melanoma Clinic on July 21 at 10:00 a.m. We are having one difficulty on top of all of this... they are wanting our full deductible paid to them when I come into the office and our deductible is $4909. Of course we don't just have that money laying around. Bob has called them and they aren't being very nice. Please if you would continue to pray for me (last night was a lot easier to fall asleep and today I feel some what better about the whole situation), Bob to be at peace with everything and have faith in our merciful God, for all the financial/insurance mumbo jumbo, and for the doctor to have all the wisdom, knowledge, sensitivity, and kindness. Thank you all so much for you prayers. I could never ever in a million years tell you how much that truly means to me. And when I say thank you I mean it from the very bottom of my heart (where I store all my favorite love). I love you all!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Happy Brithday to Heidi!


She never wants to smile for the camera.



Yes... Heidi is 1! Can you freakin' believe it? I can't and either can Bob! She is such a joy and we are so happy she is apart of this family and we couldn't imagine life without her. We went to the doctor today for her 1 year check-up and here are her stats... she is 29 inches long (50%), she weighed in at 16 lbs. 7 oz. (she wanted even on the chart... yicks!), and her head 17 3/4 inches around (50%). She is growing nicely! Dr. Clarke is not worried about her weight right now because she is growing and eating and looks healthy. So, all is good... thank God I really don't need anything else to worry about.

Heidi is so stinkin smart! She says hi, bye, thank you, yes (or yea), baby, poo poo, mama, dadda, and she singings Up above the world so high from Twinkle Twinkle Little Star :o). She is crawling all over the place and cruising around the couch and any where she can pull herself up. She loves to dance. She loves music and when you sing to her. She is having a great time this summer going to all the different pools and swimming (trying to be like her big sister).
These pictures below are from her birthday party we had June 27. My mom can down and we had a fun little party.











Diagnosis

Hello All! I know most of you know this, but some of you do not... so here goes...

Last week I went to the dermatologist to get some moles checked out. There were a few I was concerned about.... a few on my back and one down on the front of my right ankle. After a full body exam she wanted to remove the one down on my ankle. She told me she didn't think it was anything to be concerned about, but she wanted to remove it and have it biopsyed. I was like whatever. So she removed it and had it sent in.

Yesterday, I was on my way home from Matt's funeral and I had a message from the doctor about my biopsy. So, I called and they put me directly through (which I thought was pretty cool). Anyways, she told me she got the labs back and it came back malignant melanoma. I didn't have a clue what she was saying until she started talking about sending me to a Skin Cancer center (more in this in a minute). She told me the good news is that the biopsy came back saying it was not deep BUT the biopsy came back saying something like there is a possibility that it has spread (or something like that). She said usually she just sends people to a Skin Cancer place in Katy to just get it removed (cut out) but since the biospy came out a little "unusual" she wants me to go to MD Andreson. She said she wold rather me be safe than sorry (or something like that). Sorry I am a little unclear... I was really shocked by all this news. Totally not expected.

So now I get to play the waiting game. I am waiting to hear when my appointment at MD Anderson will be. I am thinking soon since this is pretty important to get taken care of ASAP! With the waiting in play... all these thought are coming into me head and why I don't know. ia m not dying... I will not die... but I can't help it as I have 2 beautiful girls and a husband who loves me so much (and who is a bit freaked out at the moment).

I know this sounds crazy but I am not scared of dying. I am not scared of going to heaven and leaving my family. I am scared of pain, procedures, what is really going on, missing out on beautiful moments my baby girls make, missing out on being their mommy when they really need me, not being there for my husband when he needs me, and not being my healthy normal self. These are a few things I am thinking about that make me sad. I know I know... but I can't help it. When I get like this I pray (beg) God to take this away. I don't need all this in my head.

I slept horrible last night and I am so tired. If you would like to pray. Please pray for peace and comfort for Bob and I as we await a call. Pray for my emotions and that I can give this all to Him. Pray that I will be able to sleep and not think about all the bad stuff that may or may not even happen. Thank you all!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

July 4, 2009

This time last year I was big and pregnant.... waiting each day for Heidi to surprise us with "real" labor contractions. I was really hoping this time last year was the day, but nope she held of for another 2 days (more on Heidi tomorrow). Anyways... last night we went over to Ron and Inez Sparks' house (they live on 60+ acres out in Brookshire) to celebrate our freedom in this great nation. We ate, drank :o), swam (go Hailee!), laughed, yapped, and Bob got to bring out his ENORMOUS grill from work (YAY!). We had a really great time. Poor Heidi got shafted because she got so tired/fussy and was put to bed (I really don't think she cared though because she didn't fuss once when I put her to bed). Here are some pictures...







Yes, Hailee decided to start swimming (2 days ago). She starts swim lessons tomorrow.




Some of the people celebrating with us.

Bob cuddling the Igy (the little dog).

Bob starting the sparklers... Hailee was freaked out...


Then I think she decided it would be okay and just did it!

Carrie Lee and Hailee having some good conversations.

Carrie Lee and Kim

Poor Heidi was woken up at midnight to go home.

Hailee asked Bob if we could go home... she was tired.
Sweet Heidi

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Matthew "Crazy" Frazee April 9,1983- June 30, 2009

This posted is dedicated to Matthew Ryan Frazee.

Matt lost his battle to leukemia on June 30. I am saddened by this because a few months ago I texted him to see how he was doing (after I found out about the leukemia) and he was doing better (well not better but you know what I mean). He was in the hospital after a bone marrow transplant and he said he would be going home in a couple of days. We texted for a bit just about life and what had been going on. I texted him again a few days later to see if he got home okay and if all went as planned. I was glad to hear he was home. A few weeks went by and I decided to text him again just to see how things were going and I never got a response. I was just thinking... maybe he wasn't up for it or wasn't having a great day. That was the last I heard from him. His death was a complete surprise to me and my heart is so very sad.

Matt and I were friends in High School... well actually High School sweethearts. He was my first love and we shared so many memories together. I remember so much, but I also have forgotten a lot too. I guess that is what happens as you get older, get married, have babies, and just go on with everyday life. I am sad I can't remember every little thing, but I guess that is how God wants it :o).

Matt was married to Kali Frazee. I don't know her, but I am sure she is a wonderful person. She is probably in such grief right now. I can't even put myself there. All I can do is pray for her and I am.

Matt was a great guy! He was so sweet and thoughtful. He never wanted you to stop and worry about him. If you were worrying or concerned about him he wanted you to stop. He never wanted to talk about his problems, but he was always there to listen to yours. He was a really good guy!

I don't know when the funeral is, but I am thinking soon. I am planning on going and saying goodbye. If you could please keep him, Kali (his wife), and his family and friends in your prayers ( I would really appreciate it).

Psalm 30:5
Weeping my endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.